Hearthstone - ARE YOU READY KIDS?


ARE YOU READY KIDS?

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 07:34 PM PDT

AYE AYE CAPTAIN

I can't hear you!

AYE AYE CAPTAIN

Oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Who lives in a deck above rank twenty?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

He charges with pirates and gives PTSD!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

If going for face be something you wish

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Then play buccaneer or deckhand to fish!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Ready?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

SPONGEMEME DANKPANTS

PIRATEBOB CHARGEPANTS

FACEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB SMORCPANTS!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!


Yarrr! Join the Pirate Crew on r/Place

submitted by /u/deviouskat89
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[NSFW] ayy don't click lmao [NSFW]

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 08:02 AM PDT

ARE

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 10:16 PM PDT

YOU

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 10:16 PM PDT

READY

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 10:16 PM PDT

?

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 10:17 PM PDT

KIDS

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 10:17 PM PDT

Card Missing from Yesterdays reveal

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 06:11 AM PDT

Petition to put the dragon that is on top of every legendary card on Sulfuras.

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 02:43 AM PDT

Same with the Ashbringer and Atiesh, They are legendary weapons after all.

submitted by /u/MrZebrisko
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Is mayonnaise a viable deck archetype?

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 03:59 AM PDT

Does anyone else hate April Fool's?

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 05:42 AM PDT

I hate that every sub become a circlejerk of itself for no reason. Especially this sub, because it's already lacking good content.

submitted by /u/ZRTPB
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Tempo Storm Re-brands in Corroboration with Trump in Final Steps of Contract Negotiations!

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 12:02 AM PDT

Blizzard be like...

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 04:28 AM PDT

The best thing about Un'Goro is that class identity is clearer than ever and the flavour within the classes is more defined

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 04:55 AM PDT

The Quest cards especially do a brilliant job at doing this.

The Rogue Quest is the very best at this. It focuses around an entirely ignored mechanic for the most part, the ability to bounce cards back to your hand.

It incentivizes and rewards Rogue for being 'sneaky' it rewards combo plays. It thematically plays into the hit and run style, enter the battlefield do something then retreat into the shadows

This is a theme that is being build upon within every classes quests, some better than others but none the less each has a strong unique class identity

The worst thing for HS is for classes to share to many of the same cards. Cards like Azure Drake and Sludge Belcher that were just to good and made their way into so many decks dilute class differences

Quests are a great way to reward classes for their differences and are a great way to celebrate the things that don't make them the same

I hope that Quest cards return in future expacs, not every expac but maybe every other

submitted by /u/CheloniaMydas
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I just broke into Blizz HQ, I come baring leaked cards for future expansions.

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 09:09 PM PDT

Avast

It appears Pirate is getting some control cards and top end. Neptune help us all.

submitted by /u/shabutie8
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Why, Frodan?

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 11:13 AM PDT

The point of this isn't to win, we want to see cards in action. Two times, you stopped your opponent from finishing a quest, and then on the last game, you even conceded. This isn't about you winning, or being good, this is just about us seeing the cards. I didn't like seeing Frodan in charge of playing, should have gotten Toast so he could screw around with the decks for us, instead of trying to win.

EDIT: I don't feel like responding to each individual person who seems to be concerned with saying "Lol reddit overreacting again!" The thing is, if you have a card reveal stream, with the intent to show us how cards work, then it needs to be planned better. Don't plan to get through four games and revealing most of the cards in an hour. If Blizz had technical errors on our end, don't shaft the viewerbase. This isn't bitching about a minor detail, this is giving Blizzard feedback that Frodan didn't make the best player for this. He did apologize for rushing, but at the end of the day, there are a lot of valid complaints about the fact that we wanted to see things, that we just never got the opportunity to see.

submitted by /u/Lazer726
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Top Cards of the Week from /r/Customhearthstone (04/01/2017)

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 11:50 PM PDT

Album

Sorry for the lame description, I'm drunk. Here's the Discord server.

Last week's post.

submitted by /u/Snipufin
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Props to the guy Frodan played against

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 05:36 AM PDT

I am sure we have all seen the complaints about the way Frodan played and many of us agree. With that being said I'd like to give props to the Blizzard guy Frodan played against. It was a lot harder to notice because we didn't see his hand but if you look at the hunter game for example he could've just smorced Frodan down really early in the game without getting punished in any way but chose to trade into every small minion so the game actually lasts a couple turns and Frodan gets to play new cards, complete his quest and recover!

Also him trying to ping that Shaman 2/1 was awesome.

submitted by /u/HolyFirer
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Did Deathwing get an artwork update?

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 11:22 PM PDT

Patrick tries Hearthstone

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 09:25 AM PDT

SpongeBob tries Hearthstone

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 09:04 AM PDT

The Voraxx

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 03:02 PM PDT

At the far end of Kalimdor

where the Razorpetal grows

and the wind smells slow-and-sour when it blows

and no one ever sings excepting old Brode...

is the Street of the Vexed Voraxx.

And deep in the Razorpetals, some people say,

if you look deep enough you can still see, today,

where the Voraxx once stood

just as long as it could

before somebody vexxed the Voraxx away.

What was the Voraxx?

And why was it there?

And why was it vexxed and taken somewhere

from the far end of town where the Razorpetal grows?

The old Jade-ler still lives here.

Ask him.

He knows.

...

You won't see the Jade-ler.

Don't knock at his door.

He stays in his shrine on top of his store.

He lurks in his shrine, cold under the roof,

where he makes his own Golems

out of mana-muffered moof.

And on special dank midnights in Ranked Play,

he peeks

out of the shutters

and sometimes he speaks

and tells how the Voraxx was vexxed away.

He'll tell you, perhaps...

if you're willing to pay.

...

On the end of a rope

he lets down a tin pail

and you have to toss in one idol

and another idol

and just a lot of idols, really.

Then he pulls up the pail,

makes a most careful count

to see if you've paid him

the proper amount.

...

Then he hides what you paid him

away in his deck,

his secret strange place

in his greedy old wreck.

Then he grunts, "I will talk to you by Blizzard App Chat,

for the secrets I tell you are for your ears and all that."

SLUPP!

Down slupps the App Chat invite to your screen

and the old Jade-ler's whispers are not very keen,

since they have to come down

through a salty old app,

and he reads

as if he had

smallish pirates up his flap.

"Now I'll tell you," he says, with his font white and gray,

"how the Voraxx got vexxed and taken away...

It all started way back...

such a long, long time back...

...

Way back in the days when the grass was still green

and the pond was still wet

and the clouds were still clean,

and the song of the Control Warriors rang out in space...

one morning, I came to this glorious place.

And I first saw the Johnnys!

The Wombo-Combo Johnnys!

The bright-colored combos of the Wombo-Combo Johnnys!

Mile after mile in the fresh monthly breeze.

And, under the Johnnys, I saw greedy Timmys too

frisking about in their greedy Timmy cahoots

as they played in the shade and used big ol' minion brutes.

From the rippulous Casual Mode

came the comfortable sound

of the casual players humming

while messing around.

...

But those Combos! Those Combos!

Those Johnny Wombo-Combos!

All my life I'd been searching

for combos such as these.

The touch of their attempts

was much more dynamic than sour.

And they had the sweet smell

of fresh innovation and power.

I felt a great leaping

of joy in my heart.

I knew just what I'd do!

I unloaded my cart.

In no time at all, I had built a small jade shrine.

Then I chopped down a Wombo-Combo with one drop.

And with great skillful skill and with great speedy speed,

I took the soft synergistic cards, and I made a Jade Golem!

The instant I'd finished, I heard a ga-Zump!

I looked.

I saw something pop out of the stump

of the deck I'd chopped down. It was sort of a plant.

Describe it?... That's hard. I don't know if I can.

...

It was biggish. And oldish.

And greenish. And mossy.

And it spoke with a voice

that was sharpish and bossy.

"Mister!" it said with a syrupy sneeze,

"I am the Voraxx. I speak for the trees.

I speak for the trees, for (most) trees have no tongues.

And I'm asking you, sir, at the top if my lungs"-

it was very upset as he shouted and puffed-

"What's that THING you've made out of my Combo Card clump?"

"Look, Voraxx," I said."There's no cause for alarm.

I chopped just one combo. I am doing no harm.

I'm being quite useful. This thing is a Jade Golem.

A Jade Golem's a Fine-Something-That-All-Metas-Need!

It's a spell. It's a summon. It's a minion, It's a combo.

But it has other uses. Yes, far beyond that.

You can use it for midrange. For aggro! For control!

Or fatigue decks! Or Yogg-Saron casino spell bull!"

The Voraxx said,

"Sir! You are crazy with greed.

There is no one on earth

who would buy that fool Golem!"

But the very next minute I proved he was wrong.

For, just at that minute, a Rank 25 fellow came along,

and he thought the Golem I had made was a must.

He happily bought it for 100 dust.

I laughed at the Voraxx, "You poor stupid plant!

You never can tell what some people will want."

"I repeat," cried the Voraxx,

"I speak for the trees!"

"I'm busy," I told it.

"Shut up, if you please."

I rushed 'cross the room, and in no time at all,

built a Hearthpwn deck. I put in a quick call.

I called all my shamans and druids and rogues

and I said, "Listen here! Here's a wonderful chance

for the whole Jade-ler Family to get mighty rich!

Get over here fast! Take the road to North Tanaris.

Turn left at Uldaman. Sharp right at South Silithus."

And, in no time at all,

in the deck-meta I built,

the whole Jade-ler Family

was working full tilt.

We were all making Jade Golems

just as busy as bees,

to the sound of the chopping

of Combo archetypees.

...

Then...

Oh! Baby! Oh!

How my deck strategem did grow!

Now, chopping one combo

at a time

was too slow.

So I quickly invented my Barnabus-The-Stomper

which whacked off four viable deck types at one whomper.

We were making Golems

four times as fast as before!

And that Voraxx?...

It didn't show up any more.

But the next week

it knocked

on my new jade shrine door.

It snapped, "I am the Voraxx who speaks for the trees

which you seem to be lopping as fast as you please.

But I'm also in charge of the greedy Timmys, too

who played in the shade in their Timmy cahoots

and happily lived, playing big ol' minion brutes.

"NOW... thanks to your hacking my trees to the ground,

there's not enough combo design space to go 'round.

And my poor Timmys are all getting the crummies

because they have jade, and no counters, in their tummies!

"They loved living here. But I can't let them stay.

They'll have to find other formats. And I hope that they may.

Good luck, boys," it cried. And it sent them away.

I, the old Jade-ler, felt sad

as I watched them all go.

BUT...

Winning is winning!

And winning must grow

regardless of crummies in gameplay, you know.

...

I meant no harm. I most truly did not.

But I had to grow bigger. So bigger I got.

I biggered my Golems. I biggered my Aya.

I biggered my presence. I biggered the loads

of the Idols I shipped out. I was shipping them forth

to the South! To the East! To the West! To the North!

I went right on biggering... selling more Golems.

And I biggered my gold, which everyone needs.

Then again it came back! I was fixing my curve

when that old-nuisance Voraxx came back even more disturbed.

"I am the Voraxx," it coughed and it whiffed.

It sneezed and it snuffled. It snarggled. It sniffed.

"Jade-ler!" it cried with a cruffulous croak.

"Jade-ler! You're making such smogulous smoke!

My poor Control Warriors... why, they can't play a round!

No one can play against endless Golems to pound.

"And so," said the Voraxx,

"-please pardon my cough-

they cannot live here.

So I'm sending them off.

"Where will they go?...

I don't hopefully know.

They may have to wander for a month... or a year...

To escape from the meta you've mucked up around here.

...

"What's more," snapped the Voraxx. (Its dander was up.)

"Let me say a few words about Salty-Salt.

Your machine chugs on, day and night without stop

making Salty-Salt. Also Aggressive-Aggro.

And what do you do with this leftover goo?...

I'll show you. You dirty old Jade-ler man, you!

"You're dumping it in the place where the casual players hummed!

No more can they hum, for their options are all gummed.

So I'm sending them off. Oh, their future is dreary.

They'll play netdecks and get woefully weary

in search of some meta that isn't so smeary."

And then I got mad.

I got terribly mad.

I yelled at the Voraxx, "Now listen here, Dad!

All you do is yap-yap and say, 'Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!'

Well, I have my rights, sir, and I'm telling you

I intend to go on doing just what I do!

And, for your information, you Voraxx, I'm figgering

On biggering

and BIGGERING

and BIGGERING

and BIGGERING,

turning MORE combo archetypes into Golem deckstyles,

which everyone, EVERYONE, EVERYONE will try!"

And at that very moment, we heard a loud whack!

From outside in the fields came a sickening smack

of an Golem on a combo player. Then we heard the player fall.

The very last Johnny Combo player of them all!

...

No more combos. Only Golems. No more work to be done.

So, in no time, my druids and shamans, every one,

all waved me good-bye. They jumped into my netdecks

and played away on their own under the smoke-smuggered stars.

Now all that was left 'neath the bad smelling-sky

was my big empty shrine...

the Voraxx...

and I.

The Voraxx said nothing. Just gave me a glance...

just gave me a very sad, sad backward glance...

as it lifted itself by the seat of its plants.

And I'll never forget the grim look on its face

when it heisted itself and took leave of this place,

through a hole in the meta, without leaving a trace.

And all that the Voraxx left here in this mess

was a small pile of rocks, with one word...

"UNLESS."

Whatever that meant, well, I just couldn't guess.

...

That was long, long ago.

But each day since that day

I've sat here and worried

and worried away.

Through the seasons, while my creativity

has fallen apart,

I've worried about it

with all of my heart.

"But now," says the Jade-ler,

"Now that you're here,

the word of the Voraxx seems perfectly clear.

UNLESS someone like you

cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better.

It's not.

...

"SO...

Catch!" calls the Jade-ler.

He lets something fall.

"It's a combo enabler.

It's the last one of all!

You're in charge of the last of the combo deck seeds.

And combo mechanics are what everyone needs.

Plant a new combo style. Treat it with care.

Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air.

Grow a whole bunch of decks. Protect them from metas that lack.

Then the Voraxx

and all of his friends

may come back."

...

EDIT: Thanks for the gold!

For those who made it this far, the process was pretty easy:

  1. Find PDF online of The Lorax

  2. Copy it to Google Drive

  3. Insert Hearthstone-y words at convenient locations

  4. Try (and sometimes fail) to make coherent rhymes

  5. Try to orient it around an argument (because The Lorax is an argument)

No, I did not rewrite the entire thing. But I'm glad you were amused by it!

submitted by /u/scm6288
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"Priest legendary is powerful, maybe even too powerful"

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 11:53 AM PDT

The primitive Un'Goro murlocs are more advanced as a society than normal murlocs.

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 04:00 AM PDT

They wear clothes, for one.

Also, I don't think Blizzard realizes that giving Murlocs a caveman aesthetic makes them look more human, and even primitive humans rank above fish in terms of societal advancement.

Granted, you have the Gadgetzan murlocs which, technologically, blow them out of the water (no pun intended), but that was kind of Gadgeztan's theme with every monster race.

I just think it's funny how the Un'goro murlocs are supposed to be defined by being primitive, but they are appear less primitive than any "average" murloc.

submitted by /u/Tal9922
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Un'Goro mass pack opening simulator

Posted: 01 Apr 2017 01:54 AM PDT

TL;DR: The single most accurate pack opening simulator, that has Un'Goro cards

My pack simulator has been updated with the new cards and also some new features. Now you can filter packs based on rarity, and there is a new tab where you can use search similar to hearthstone's, and see all your cards in one condensed screen.

Any bug reports or feature suggestions are welcome here in the comments or on the issue tracker.

Hope you'll like it ;)

submitted by /u/SpeedoDevo
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[Gameplay] 6 AWESOME Combos from Journey to Un'Goro! - Disguised Toast

Posted: 31 Mar 2017 11:15 AM PDT

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